WEDNESDAY, Oct. 17 (HealthScoutNews) --Stress and sex make bad bedfellows, it seems.

In a random phone survey conducted recently by Yankelovich & Partners, 1,000 adults between the ages of 18 and 65 were asked what dampens their sexual desire the most. Stress came first, with 26 percent of those polled saying it was a major distraction in the bedroom. Kids followed, at 16 percent; work was next at 14 percent; health problems followed at 9 percent; boredom accounted for 7 percent; money problems made up 6 percent, and inexperience was responsible for 3 percent. A leading mail-order distributor of erotica sponsored the study.

"I'm not at all surprised by these findings, and as a matter of fact, I think they're a little lower than expected. As far as dimming libido or diminishing desire, stress is right up there," says sex therapist Dr. Peter Kanaris. "Because we've all got it, what we've got to do is consider stress in our lives and work on that magical word of 'life-balance.' As we get older, sex gets put on the side. All the other demands in life take precedence. It starts to pervade our existence, and eventually we lose touch with our partners and our own sexuality."

The survey found the effects of stress was not limited to gender. About 25 percent of men and 28 percent of women ranked it as the top culprit.

One thing Kanaris wonders is what exactly is meant by stress in this survey.

"The one thing that's not clear in this study is how they're defining stress. I'm not 100 percent clear on what they're meaning by stress," he says, explaining that kids, work and health can all be sources of stress.

For example, kids are distractions when they're around, but even if they are gone, they may still cause stress, Kanaris explains: "It's still contributing to that category [stress] of what we may feel."

Another sex therapist Judith Steinhart agrees that stress can be a catch-all phrase that encompasses everything from kids to money problems.

"The one thing people haven't looked at is, there are more distractions these days," she says. "When there wasn't a lot to do, more people had more sex. With the loss of the extended family, there are fewer people able to take the kids. There's a loss of privacy. And people feel pressure to take care of their child's every need. There are no boundaries."

And that holds true for work, Kanaris adds. With the advent of technology that allows work from home, the lines between our jobs and our personal lives have become more blurred, he adds.

"The hours of work aren't 9-to-5 anymore," agrees Steinhart. "People are working longer and commutes are longer. "

"You can't shut it [work] off as easily, and it now pervades our lives, including our sexual relationships," Kanaris explains. "We've got to protect our sexual relationships against life. We don't put ourselves off the agenda. Sex and intimacy make the schedule, the agenda, just like everything else."

Though that may sound rigid and regimented, Kanaris notes that we don't have time to wait around for spontaneity.

"We get so bogged down that the opportunity for spontaneity is severely restricted," he says. "You're left with precious little time for spontaneity to happen."

And within that scheduled space, spontaneity can eventually return, he adds.

Steinhart stresses that couples have to come up with their own solutions.

"What is it that you want, and what will you do to get it?" she asks. "There are some things you can control, and some things you don't have control over. You have to decide what you can control, and make the changes."

And Steinhart points out that more sex doesn't guarantee happiness.

"An orgasm isn't a measure of love," she says.SOURCES: Interviews with Peter Kanaris, psychologist, sex therapist, private practive, Smithtown, L.I.; Judith Steinhart, sex therapist, private practice, New York City; September 2001 Adam & Eve SexStat

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