Jun. 24--Your boss plays favorites with other employees, your performance appraisals are unfair, you lack the training and resources to do your job or maybe you just don't see the point of your contribution.
Those frustrations are among 12 that typically infest workplaces and lead to anger on the job, according to Hendrie Weisinger, a noted Westport psychologist and author of several books on emotional intelligence, including "Anger At Work."
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, a psychologist quoted by the American Psychological Association.
Unexpressed anger can turn inward and cause problems, such as high blood pressure or depression, according to the association. Moreover, "letting it rip" on other people actually escalates anger and aggression in everyone involved, the APA said.
And, of course, expressing anger at work in the wrong way can lead to joblessness.
Weisinger trains people to manage their anger by acknowledging it, calming themselves and responding appropriately.
The concept of anger management, along with emotional intelligence in general, is gaining mainstream interest, Weisinger said.
Anger management may be even more important for women because they still face workplace stereotypes that can sabotage their careers if they show too many signs of anger, Weisinger said.
Women who get angry at work are perceived as shrewish or hysterical, Weisinger explained.
Anger on the job isn't limited to yelling frenzies and occasional blowups. Rage often shows itself in more insidious ways, Weisinger said.
As an example, Weisinger said, "It's working on a team and because I get angry that you're getting credit I forget to give you an important message."
Considering the damage caused by angry responses, it should be no surprise that businesses are increasingly acknowledging harmful emotions, such as anger and anxiety, so they can do something about them, Weisinger said.
The topic has become a significant one now for stockbrokers, who face angry clients that blame them for stock market disasters. This week Weisinger will run an emotional intelligence seminar in Seattle for a top brokerage firm, he said. "They don't have any idea how to respond," Weisinger said.
Weisinger also runs a program through Horsesmouth, a performance improvement network of financial advisers, that trains brokers in how to handle angry customers -- without becoming infuriated themselves.
As part of the program, Weisinger provides a list of common questions that angry clients ask their brokers in tumultuous times and answers they can use.
For example: "My other adviser is doing much better than you!" That statement conveys both disappointment and anger, Weisinger said.
"Exaggerated humor can be effective," Weisinger said, "with a non-defensive communication: 'Well, tell me what he's doing! All kidding aside, I'm doing the best I can for you. If you really, really, really believe that in the long run you are better off with someone else, than I want you to go.'"
Volatile financial markets have made advisers the target of many an angry customer, said Giles Kavanagh, director of sustained learning programs for Horsesmouth.
"Financial advisers are very well-equipped to talk about financial offerings," Kavanagh said. But they need help when it comes to dealing with emotions in their clients.
"You have to manage your own anger and you have to manage them," Kavanagh said.
Weisinger teaches simple techniques, such as relaxation and using humor to handle distorted thinking, Kavanagh said.
It may help to recognize that anger often isn't the problem.
"People are emotional about the market in general, which is typically what drives a volatile market," said Hannah Smith, an investment representative with EdwardJones in Milford.
"People are not angry, they are fearful of things they don't understand," Smith said.
Economic recession -- during which people are facing more stresses -- naturally brings out more anger, said Dr. Robert Gardiner, unit chief of addiction recovery at St. Vincent's Medical Center's Hall-Brooke Hospital, a Westport psychiatric hospital.
"It's going to be more widespread in difficult times," said Gardiner, a psychiatrist.
And because American culture is desensitized to violence, often colleagues will not pick up on inappropriate displays of anger as a serious problem, Gardiner said.
Employees should not make the mistake of assuming they can handle the angry boss or colleague on their own, Gardiner said. They need to seek supervisory help which should ultimately lead to an employee assistance program, he said.
How do you know when it's time to call in the experts?
"Your instincts, your intuition, are your best guides," Gardiner said. If you are fearful or sense the anger unhealthy, you should trust that sense, Gardiner said.
What if you're dealing with a frequently angry coworker?
There are, of course, some situations that truly do call for an anger response, Weisinger said.
People should respond angrily to situations that threaten their needs, are abusive in nature or reflect an injustice, Weisinger said.
But get a reality check before you decide that you are being abused, by asking other people what they think of the problem you're facing, Weisinger said.
If others aren't seeing the rationale for outrage, it may be your own interpretation of the situation that needs tuning.
For information on Weisinger's financial adviser program, write to info@horsesmouth.com.
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Hendrie Weisinger's five-step anger management system:
 | Validate and acknowledge that you're angry. |
| Have two activities you can use to calm yourself and allow you to manage anger arousal, which includes higher heart rates, adrenaline levels, etc. |
| Identify the provocation: Find what is actually the cause of your anger. |
| Empower yourself by acknowledging that you are choosing to keep your job. Instead wearily telling yourself "that's the way it is, I have to get over it," tell yourself that you are in control because it is your choice to be in the situation. |
| Choose your best response. Recognize that what you have been doing has been ineffective. Use problem-solving skills to come up with a new strategy. |
To see more of the Connecticut Post, or to subscribe to the newspaper, go to http://www.connpost.com
(c) 2002, Connecticut Post, Bridgeport. Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Business News.