Is Your Child Overscheduled & Overstressed?
August 1, 2005
With the clock ticking down to the start of the school year, parents everywhere
are scrambling.
Sure, they're getting their kids ready to go back to class. But the real
scramble comes from signing them up for soccer teams and cheerleading squads,
for music lessons and dance classes, for after-school tutoring and Scouting
troops.
From birth through high school, it seems that American kids today have a full
calendar every day of the week. And for families with two or more children, and
parents who work outside the home, it can get pretty hectic trying to get
everyone to the right place at the right time.
It's hectic for the parents. But what about the kids?
With all the hustle and bustle, parents may be missing signs from their kids
that they're overwhelmed by so many activities, and feeling pressured or
stressed to perform. And the entire family may be missing out on the chance to
build togetherness, instead of focusing on building a child's list of
accomplishments.
University of Michigan child psychologist Michelle Kees, Ph.D., says the last 15
years or so have seen an explosion in the number of activities available to kids
of all ages, and in the pressure to get involved in as many as possible. Parents
have gone along, because they want to help kids develop their talents, build new
skills, and eventually succeed in getting into college or finding a rewarding
job.
But there's such a thing as too much, and every child's ‘too much' is
different, says Kees, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the U-M
Medical School who counsels families and children on anxiety,
mood and behavior problems.
So how can you tell when your child is over-stressed because he or she is
over-scheduled? The signs aren't much different from those seen in adults, Kees
says.
“Children who are over-scheduled have a higher incidence of anxiety,
especially performance anxiety
and wondering how they're doing in a certain activity, or striving for
perfection or overachievement. We often see that these children are showing some
signs of depression,
such as withdrawal from friends and family, and feeling badly about themselves
when they don't quite measure up,” she says.
“Being over-scheduled and over-stressed can also have an impact on a child's
basic functions, things like sleep interruptions and changes in eating
patterns,” she adds. “We also see some children start to show signs like
headaches, stomachaches, and not wanting to go to school or to participating in
activities.”
Kees is quick to note that non-school activities are great for children, helping
them explore new talents and providing structure to their lives. But the key,
she says, is moderation.
“Some activities, if kept in balance, are very beneficial for learning social
skills, for learning a hobby, or developing a passion or an interest,” she
says. “On the other hand, if we over-schedule our children, we're limiting the
time that they have available to learn who they are, to become who they're going
to become, and to spend time with their friends and family.”
Decades ago, she points out, children may have been just as busy - just not with
the kinds of activities that today's kids have on their plates. Instead, their
days may have been filled with farm chores and housework, caring for younger
siblings, or helping to support the family by working.
Today's activities help children and teens learn time management as well as
useful and enjoyable skills, she says. But time management is a skill they can
learn later in life. “The cost of learning time management comes at a cost of
less family time together, and more stress and pressure in racing around from
activity to activity,” she notes.
So what's the answer? Finding a balance that's right for you and your child or
children, Kees says. “Review the activities that your children are doing, and
evaluate the importance of them both for the short term and the long term,”
she recommends. “Ask yourself this question: How do I feel about my child
participating in this activity? And if any part of your answer equals stress,
worry or burden, that's a red flag that perhaps this isn't an activity that your
child should be participating in right now.”
Another red flag: if you feel your family never seems to spend time together, or
enjoy that time together because it revolves around getting to the next
activity.
Even as they sign their kids up for activity after activity, American adults may
romanticize their own childhood days of lazy summer afternoons and wide-open
weekends when all they did was play with friends and roam the local parks and
neighborhood sidewalks. At the same time, they may want their child to have more
opportunities than they did, or more chances to succeed later in life.
Indeed, Kees says, both are worthy goals - but “unstructured” time for kids
is crucial.
“Kids need time when absolutely nothing is scheduled and children are left to
their own devices, to their own imagination and creative play,” she says. She
notes that some of the children she sees at the U-M Child & Adolescent
Psychiatry clinic say they “just don't get to have fun anymore.”
Also, while making that fall schedule, don't forget to schedule some protected
family time. “Researchers have shown that the more family time families spend
together, such as meal time, the better children do academically, behaviorally
and emotionally,” says Kees. “And parents should find time for themselves as
a couple, and as individuals.”
Cutting back on fun activities after school and on weekends may be one thing,
but what about academic activities and performance? In this competitive world,
when college admissions standards are higher than ever, isn't it important for
kids to achieve as much as possible beginning in middle school, so they have the
best chance of getting into a good college or technical school?
Certainly, says Kees - but again, the key is balance and realistic expectations.
“We see middle school children who are already worrying if their grades are
good enough for college, and teens entering high school whose primary focus is
their college application,” she says. “It's no longer about volunteering in
order to make a difference, it's volunteering so that their college application
looks different. It's no longer about taking achievement tests to show what you
know, it's to show where you are in the class. And this emphasis certainly has
to have an impact on children.”
The drive to succeed should be in balance with a child's capabilities, Kees
says. “We see some adolescents who are burning out. In the middle of their
sophomore, junior or senior year, their interest in school dissipates, their
focus and concentration and drive start to fade,” she remarks. “We see
average students who are pressured to achieve above and beyond what they're
capable of, or where their best interest lies. And we see an impact on
self-esteem and confidence, as well as things like anxiety and depression,
starting to emerge in these children.”
The teen years are a high-risk time for depression
to strike for the first time, and while different kids have different levels of
vulnerability to depression,
intense stress is often seen as a trigger for it.
The bottom line, Kees says, is that parents should consider the impact on their
child, and have open and honest conversations about why a child might be
“slacking off” on activities or school.
For parents who become concerned about their child's or teen's behavior toward
academics or withdrawal from activities, Kees and her colleagues recommend
professional counseling. A therapist specializing in child and adolescent or
family issues, or a clergy member or trusted adult family member, can often help
families take a step back and look at what's happening.
Tips for parents on avoiding over-scheduling kids and teens:
-- Activities such as sports, arts, music, clubs and Girl or Boy Scouting can be
great additions to a child's life, and provide enjoyment while developing skills
and talents. The numbers of these activities available has increased in recent
years, and experts have noticed an increased emphasis by parents on enrolling
their children in multiple activities.
-- In addition to activities, child psychologists say, it's important for
families to spend time together, and for children to be allowed to play and
explore, without structured schedules.
-- The definition of over-scheduling, and the stress that comes with it, varies
from child to child. Typically, children who take part in one or two scheduled
activities per day or several per week are considered to have heavy schedules.
Parents should routinely assess whether a child's schedule is too much for the
child, and ask what the child is getting out of an activity.
-- Signs of stress that over-scheduled kids may exhibit include headaches and
stomachaches, withdrawal or reluctance to take part in activities, and changes
in sleep or eating patterns. Any sharp change or decline in behavior or
schoolwork should prompt parents to seek help.
-- Stress can be a “trigger” that sets off episodes of depression or anxiety
in vulnerable children and teens; symptoms of depression
include irritability, hopelessness, loss of pleasure in activities that a child
once enjoyed, changes in sleep and appetite, reduced energy and social
interactions, and a decline in performance at school.
University of Michigan Health System
2901 Hubbard St., Ste. 2400
Ann Arbor, MI 48109-2435
United States
med.umich.edu/opm/newspage/reporter.htm
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